If I were a boy

November 22, 2008

The first time I heard a radio announcer talking up Beyonce’s song ‘If I were a boy’ I sneered and changed the station.

I have had the conversation so many times over the years – ‘what would you do if you were a boy for a day’.  And I am always amazed at all the excitement over the topic; and the repeated “I would piss standing up” from people I usually respect.  Actually, girls can piss standing up too, they just can’t be bothered.  It doesn’t come natural to boys either, they piss all over themselves while learning as kids and are still pretty uncoordinated as drunk adults.

For myself, if I were a boy for a day, I would try for gender reassignment in the morning.  Or more realistically I would wipe myself out with drugs for 24 hours.  I am not curious and I don’t have penis curiosity or envy.  My tomboy stage in childhood lasted long enough to pop an ‘e’ on the end of my name and that was it.  My brief foray into androgyny involved shaving my head at age 18 and working in a male dominated industry.  It wasn’t my cup of tea, and the one time I was mistaken for a boy I was mortified.

Having ranted, Beyonce’s song is great.  Her voice sounds awesome and the melody has that just-right-feel-good-resolution.  And the lyrics ring true too, because we do have double standards of what boys can get up to and get away with.  Oh, and did you notice the ‘were’ – if you’re a grammar bitch like me that 80’s song ‘If I was king for just one day’ rankles.

So I won’t be singing it myself, but I get ya Beyonce.  Maybe some utopian day, some boy will be singing wistfully about being a girl.

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