All out of love
June 4, 2009
I have been in love with this new thing for a while. It’s not a person, no nothing as normal as that. I’ve been enamoured of/with roller derby, a contact sport for girls on roller skates. It was great for a while, I fantasised about where we could go together and gushed about it to uninterested parties. I thought about it lovingly before I went slept and rearranged my life around its needs.
And maybe the initial crush is over. It is so demanding! It makes me tired and grumpy sometimes. It’s hard. It never listens when I have a problem and need to talk. I feel like I’ll never meet its unrealistic standards.
I am a bit of a quitter. I head out of relationships pretty quickly and always feel like I should have got out even quicker. I havn’t played sport since I was ten and I was incompetent even then. I don’t know whether this derby crush will be that one thing that I stick at – like in those made for tv american movies – or whether it will be like the flute, the piano, ballet, rock climbing, study, reading foucalt’s pendulum…
I like the skating, and I like that this sport is just for girls. I like getting to hit people. But I l don’t know whether I like it enough to keep pushing through trainings where I am slow and clumsy and frustrated. I guess time will tell; like in all yucky, sickening, love related things.